fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
