Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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