is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
