they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
