I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Help. Why am I so naked?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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