It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
