Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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