Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
