That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
