i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
