So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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