This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I queefed so loud it echoed.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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