Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
