gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
