just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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