Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
