Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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