giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
