I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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