u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
