Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
