I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
