so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
