I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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