Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
