YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Randomize
