i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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