At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
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