just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
