My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
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