You're my little dorito
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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