Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
