Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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