Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
