i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
