my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
