if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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