I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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