I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
