please come you make the beer taste better
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
