my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
