you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
