i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
