I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
