you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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