3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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