Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
