I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I think I won the penis lottery.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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