is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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