I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
