I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
