I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
