apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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