Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
