Whod you bang
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
