My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
