my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I don't deserve a penis
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
