He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
