Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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