I molested 6 butterflies tonight
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
