I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
