With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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