I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
