Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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