Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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