I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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