I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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