every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Randomize
