i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Randomize
