So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Is it penis luge time yet?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
