i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
