it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
