we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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