please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
True college students do jello shots in the library
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