i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
