so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
